By Tony Afejuku
This season of Miss Corona the Virus is proving to be an interestingly interesting season for us all. And throughout the Easter season stretching from Good Friday of the execution of Christ the King to Sunday of His rise from the grave, His house of temporary rest, to Easter Monday of merriment on account of His Resurrection celebrated in acts of hushing that were acts of hushing, I flavoured myself with husks of greens. Perhaps I should say that I flavoured myself in husks of green. You may wonder why. That was my own way of shutting myself down, of locking myself down and out of the way and path and air-route of the hurly-burly of the paradoxically silent lady, Miss Corona the breathless Virus that is so full of breathful breath in every breathing space in our country and elsewhere in the globe where she has breathed the oxygen of life out of thousands and thousands of fellow human beings that breathe on planet earth.
And why have I called the breathless but breathful demon a woman, a lady, a miss that is truly a demonic demon? Or should I say a demonic demonness? Honestly, I do not know. But as I gave thought to the subject of our torment in my Easter contemplative and meditative moods, a picture, a silhouette, appeared as Eve in a garden of demonic Eden testing and testing our faith. So this is a Miss? I uttered to myself in a soft hushed tone. Suddenly I became a misogyny in Easter-time, I, a frontline Christian philogynist on Easter-eve when I should join all Christian faithful to pray for a Philomela to sing Miss Corona out of our land and country and everywhere. As my contemplation and meditation progressed, I saw myself gulping green-tea and eating fruits – greens such as garden-egg, apple, mango, banana, cabbage, cucumber, all of the green variety, all of the green family. They can and will chase the demonic miss out of here. So I saw and saw Philomela sing to me. Was this a religious revelation? Was this a mystical revelation? Was this a medico-religious revelation? Was this a medico-mystical revelation? We better try the consumption of greens in a reasonable enough quantity as preventive antidote to Miss Virus. Our pharmacists should also enter their laboratories and convert what they can convert from the greens in addition to quinine plants, for example, dongoyaro, mixed with onion and or garlic and alligator-pepper and boiling water of fair temperature to give us our local cure for the afflicted and prevention for the would-be affected. Our micro-biologists, botanists and virologists and other scientists should read my lips and do the appropriate. (Our medical doctors should courageously cooperate with them rather than with medical flirts from a place called China). Mix the listed greens and pineapple peels and pineapple juice and aromatic plants to give the necessary preventive and curative vaccines. I am delighted to let them know that their applications of their scientific minds to administer the right mixture(s) will produce the right result.
A silhouette of a verecund virgo intacta revealed what I am revealing now in my moments of contemplation and meditation. We should give the revealed flavour a try. The revelation is positive. The flavour shall prove effective. A verecund Miss of a verdured orchard is vanquishing a vapid demon called coronavirus now written hence forwards in tiny letters. Have faith, brethren. A cure is here in tropical Nigeria. The cure is here in our country. One more thing I was and I am still asked to say is this: For now we should scale down our consumption of solids such as starch, eba, garri, akpu, tuwo, pounded yam or poundo. AMALA is spared and excused as well as beans.
Another revelation: our public hygiene must hence forwards be the vanguard of our new sanitary habits. Our public hygiene must be the vanguard hence forwards of our private, personal sanitation. We preach in vain about personal hygiene when our public sanitation is nothing to be proud or spoken of, seriously speaking. Do we seriously know what sanitary engineering is about? Our public-health services generally, what are they like? What do they look like? Do we have adequate supply of healthy water in our cities and urban areas generally, not to mention our villages and hamlets and rural places as a whole? If the answers to these questions are negative ones, how truthfully and meaningfully can we preach to our people and masses about the benefits of personal hygiene? By the way, the heaps of refuse in our cities and towns tell the story so well about our public hygiene. As a matter of fact, there is no city or town in our country where our sight is not offended by stinking heaps of refuse everywhere and everywhere in the south-south, the east, the west, the north central, the middle-belt, the north-west and the north-east. Our political leaders and medical associations should not lecture us on matters of personal hygiene when they cannot successfully do the same to the dumb and deaf in every level of our governments and public institutions to sanitize our public places (such as toilets in offices), including our roads, streams, rivers, seas and ocean. Now the revelation: Unless our leaders in all fields compel themselves to know what public sanitation means we will and shall medically work, labour and live in vain post-coronavirus, especially. The verecund virgo intacta nods to me and disappears. Hear, hear, hear and hear O compatriots! I am a philogynist after all in a religious and mystical sense as Jesus examples followers and readers and all of us in the holy book of holy and un-holy tales. But something is still going to wing to us, something that will shock, un-shock and enervate us at the same time. Believe me, yours very sincerely, O dear compatriots! The wicked shall not and will not escape. Numbered are their days, and seconds and minutes and hours. Yes. O yes! Compatriots and compatriots believe me most sincerely and most sincerely! O yes and O yes!